If You’d Asked Me. . .
I’d Have Told You
The ultimate collection of bathroom or waiting room reading, this book is a work in progress. A new chapter appears at our “News & Chat” blog every three weeks, usually by Friday. You can get a complete copy, right now, in PDF format, or, if you like, as a paperback. For details, visit our Books page or send a request through our Contact form.
Table of Contents
I. God Is Great, Beer Is Good, and People Are Crazy
- What’s the weirdest thing a guest has done at your house?
- How can I seem less arrogant to people who are less intelligent?
- What is the most badass comeback you’ve ever heard?
- Who personally loses when you rob a bank?
- I volunteer at a hospital. None of the doctors have high-end cars. Why?
- [The first five squibs appear in one post]
- Why are people so rude to cigarette smokers?
- Why do people back up into parking spaces?
- Can my wife legally keep my parents from visiting our home due to simply disliking them?
- What is my legal exposure (and methods for mitigating it). . . if my wife’s dog attacks and injures someone?
- My fiancé says it’s not cruel to kick one’s child out of the house on their eighteenth birthday…
- If you could say one sentence to President Trump, what would you say?
- If you could limit President Trump to four words tomorrow, what four words would you have him say?
- [Two Trumps in one post!]
- If a stranger insists on following and touching your dog even though you clearly say “No” and try to leave, . . .
- My 11-year-old daughter is getting stares when we go out in public. What should I do?
- My son is a four-year-old leftie. My parents so much want him to use his right hand that they are resorting to threats. What do you think?
- If you had a 16-year-old daughter, and accidentally knocked over her pocketbook . . .
- Should I report to the police that my boyfriend killed my dog?
- What should I do if someone follows me home while I’m walking my dog?
- My uncle has severe chronic vertigo, and the doctors don’t know what’s causing it
- My coworker administers his insulin injections at his desk or at the lunch table in front of everyone. Is it appropriate?
- What is the treatment for when your lip gets swollen?
- Why doesn’t anybody coming to the “emergency room” seem to understand that an emergency means urgent?
- How did babies survive when there were no vaccines a long time ago?
- Was I wrong to not give a five-year-old guest child the food that she wanted?
- A plagiarist and proud of it!.
- Why are you a feminist?
- Why is it illegal to not wear your seatbelt?
- Why is there no combined abbreviation for Mr. & Mrs.?
- The Dark Side of Living in Phoenix
II. Going to the Dogs (or Cats)
- Should I get a girlfriend or a dog?
- Has your pet saved you from a perilous situation?
- Who do you agree with: Cesar Millan’s way with dogs or those critical of it?
- What are Doberman Pinschers like to own?
- What is your favorite breed of dog?
- Why do cats like to lie down on a dog’s bed?
- Why do dogs dislike some people for no apparent reason? Scheduled 1/1/2019
- How prevalent are injuries from toy dogs?
- Is it ok to throw a snowball at my dog?
- What do you think about breeding dogs to be better for things like being guide dogs?
- If I absolutely cannot afford my beloved dog’s very expensive operation, what should I do?
- Stray cat tried biting me today . . .
- How can I keep my dog healthy and happy without ever walking him again?
- Are German Shepherd puppies easy to take care of? How much do they cost?
- How much should a high quality German Shepherd puppy cost?
- Just how much do Pembroke Corgis tend to bark even if well trained, challenged and exercised?
- Will getting a dog keep the stray cats out of my yard?
- How do I rid cats from roaming my yard and pooping in my yard?
- Scientifically speaking, what do dogs recognise kittens and cats as?
- Why does my dog sit on me?
- Is it rare for a five-month-old German Shepherd to comply with a sit-and-stay command?
- What is the rsight thing to do if your dog damages someone’s property while visiting in their home?
- How can a pet owner protect animals during natural disasters?
- Is it normal for a dog to bark at nothing every time it gets let outside?
- Why do a lot of people prefer cats over dogs?
- Are German Shepherd dogs the best dogs for security forces?
- If domestic home cats were as big as large dogs . . .
- Are male dogs more protective than females?
- Can dogs take Benadryl for allergies?
- Why do they use German Shepherds as police dogs?
- How do I prevent a dog from attacking my dog?
- Why do people let their dogs and cats up on their bed?
- When is it safe for your children to own pets?
- What goes through a dog’s mind during a stare down between its owner?
- Can a horse kick kill you?
- Why do small dogs bark?
- Is it possible to outrun a German Shepherd dog?
- What would be the reason not to give away my two-month-old Labrador puppy?
- What causes worms in your puppy’s stool?
- Which is a better option to defend your home and family from intruders: A gun or a dog?
III. Life in the Salt Mines
- What was the most legendary “I quit!” that you know about or witnessed?
- What’s the shadiest tactic you’ve witnessed HR use at your job?
- Is getting into the FBI hard?
- What is the most ridiculous reason for which you have been fired?
- I’m tired of my current programming job. What blue collar job can do I that will pay as much as I get now?
- I want to get fired, how do I go about it?
- How can I get marketing and customer service help for a new small business?
- Who are the real “job creators”?
- Is there a good future for girls pursuing hotel management? Does it earn well?
- What is the future of careers in computer engineering?
- Should I quit my job where my boss is a bully and disrespectful?
- How can I stop my boss from repeatedly asking me out?
- Have you ever “fired” a doctor? How did you go about leaving your doctor and finding another one?
- In US movies, people get fired on the spot and have to pack their belongings and go home and never come back.
VI. Life in the Ivory Tower (and Waypoints)
- As a teacher, have you ever had an unforgettable student? What was he or she like?
- What are some of the most funny instances of plagiarism?
- How can I prove I didn’t plagiarize?
- What is the dark side of the PhD?
- What are some parts of a teacher’s job that students don’t know about?
- How do teachers identify smart students outside of grades?
- How can I apply for a PhD in the US without money?
- What are some ways to get a teaching position without a degree but with subject mastery of and ability to teach?
- Why do teachers complain about their pay so much?
- How many PhD students felt like quitting part way through but carried on against the odds?
- I had to work two jobs and I’ve failed a couple of classes due to attendance. Is there still a chance for me to work on my math career?
- How do I order custom writing essays, term paper and research papers?
- What would happen if programming were taught in middle school and high school?
V. Writing
- Where can I write articles online for free without pay?
- Why do some published works, especially novels, emphasize the authors’ names more than their titles on their covers?
- Should I write my Morning Pages in one language only?
- What is informal writing? What are its functions?
- If I’ve copied a minor plot element from another person’s story, but altered it slightly, is that still considered stealing?
- As a PHD student, I deal with procrastination on daily basis. Those who have overcome it: how did you do it?
- What are interesting topics to write about on a personal blog?
- What are the five top writing clichés of all time?
- Can I write a novel based on more descriptions and fewer conversations between my characters?
- Is it okay to use creative writing in a research paper?
- Can I pay someone to write my book for me?
- What are the main aspects of script writing?
- How do you write a diary?
- How do you become a guest contributor on popular sites?
- Is a journalism major the most logical for an aspiring journalist?