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Section II: Going to the Dogs
(Or Cats)

17. Will getting a dog keep the stray cats out of my yard?

Not in my experience, no. The accursed cat doesn’t care whether the dog chases it out of the yard. It wants to eat those birds. It wants to kill those geckos. It loves to watch those mosquitoes and ants chew on the humans after the birds and lizards that keep the bugs under control are dead, dead, and dead. And no place other than your vegetable garden will do as its toilet.

Seriously, I have trained one of my corgis to chase my charming neighbor’s destructive and stinking cats out of the yard (the other corgi loves cats and would never terrorize her little friends). But when the dog’s away, the cats will play.